remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
