my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
