The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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