I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
