haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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