How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*