yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.