Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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