we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I think i got beer on your cat.
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