the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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