We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
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I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
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Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.