So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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