i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
