Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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