it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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