just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
