Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Randomize
