so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Blood and glitter go together right?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
