Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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