I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
