i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
my god I love twenty year old dicks
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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