If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Randomize
