I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
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