she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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