Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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