READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
