wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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