we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
But break dance skills will only take you so far
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
