my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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