Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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