Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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