That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
