he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
