I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Sacagawea was the original milf.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
