I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
