I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
