you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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