Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Randomize
