you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
