kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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