I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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