Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Randomize
