He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
