I wanna bring you to show and tell
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
