My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
