So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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