I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
where am i from again
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Randomize
