i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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