theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
