Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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