Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
