yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
