Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
