chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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