You really coming over, don't trick.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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