what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
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mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
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You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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