Are we in a gay sports bar?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
