Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize