Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
