She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
