I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
