Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
