If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
